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User blog:TheBadger2805/Badger's Blog - Entry 3
I didn't really feel like putting this on the main page. It felt too direct, and this is better. Perhaps this is meant to be an explanation, or an excuse, but more than anything, this is an apology. My final word on the matter as it were. I don't know if you all feel the same, but for me, this place has become something very different to what it began as. I stumbled across the site when there were just four other people: our great lord and master, mara, ausgirl and aussie. Within days ausgirl left. I don't know if it was my fault or coincidence, probably the latter, but still, it's always had me thinking. But when I first joined, it was a new start, you know? A chance to get to talk to people all around the world. I spoke to a couple of them a fair bit, and I like to think I became good friends with at least one of them. And at the beginning it was great. Joking around, talking about anything, just really relaxed and a cool environment. Then I got a bit too cocky for my own good, and I started acting arrogant, especially towards one person. They didn't deserve that from me, and I knew it, but I didn't try and stop myself, until later. Just saw it all as one big joke. Probably not a great idea. Next came the whole business with Z. it was my attempt to fix things, but it just backfired. If I hadn't been so prideful, I guess that wouldn't have been necessary. But I was, and it just made things worse. I fucked up, not afraid to admit it now. But if course, I can't change what happened. Just say that I know now what I did wrong. We got some new people here then, and it started looking up. We were joking around again, having fun. They were good times, and I enjoyed talking to all of you. I really did. And then I don't know what happened. I started to get annoyed, lazy, taking you all for granted. I dropped out of chats without a word, always thought I could waltz in at any time and steal the show. That's where it all went wrong. I thought I could act however I want and still be accepted here. I took it way too far, and ended up attacking one of my good frineds for no other reason than I was fed up. I ignored everything that was going on with them, lashed out simply because I was annoyed, not giving a single thought to the other perspective, what they were going through, how I should be helping. I, and I alone, ruined one of the good friendships I had. I know I had good intentions deep down, but that is no excuse for how I acted, what I said, it wasn#t the slightest but fair on the people involved. And it ruined more than just one friendship. It had a knock on effect with everyone here. Whenever I arrived for a talk, I could always feel the awkwardness. And the simple fact was because I felt too guilty over what I did to ever act the same way as before. And rightly so. I should feel guilty. And that's what has led me to this point. Because of my actions, I feel unworthy of being a friend to any of you. I want to make this fact very clear now: this is not a pity comment. I am not looking for any sympathy from anyone, nor do I think that posting this will magically turn everything okay again. I am fully aware of my actions and their consequences, and it is for the best. The dammage is done and nothing can change it. But I felt the need to set the record straight for the last time. I know before I have acted dramatically for no reason, and it's because I never wanted to admit that this site's problem in recent months is because of me. Leaving seemed like the best way to cure it, but I didn't want to abandon friends in need. Now though, with this here, my conscious is a little clearer. I can't wave a wand and make everything right, but this is the best I can do. Admit to my mistakes, and make sure people understand my reasoning. That's it. Nothing more left to say. Well, actually, there is one thing. Something I don't think I've ever said before to you guys and genuinely meant it. Both for my actions, and for this, Sorry. P.S: If you guys replace me, I'll haunt you all :P Category:Blog posts